The Game Called 'Conkers'

Splat! Crack!

We sat across the cobbled road from the All Saints Arts and Craft Market and saw it fall from the giant tree that stood overhead shading part of the market.

'Did you see that?' Jackson asked.

'Yeah, it just fell out of that tree.' I replied.

Jackson ran across the road to retrieve the fallen debris leaving behind the green jacket of prickly skin that the rock-like object had been cocooned in before being exposed after its long fall down.

'Ooh, cool. It's so smooth.'

'Yeah, it almost looks polished.'

He handed it over for me to admire some more as his mobile rang.

I continued to admire it and showed the student next to me, 'Look, it's the pit of that green thing.' The student appraised it as well. And then Jackson called the fallen object something very strange.

'Sorry, what did you call it?' I interrupted.

'A con----r'. He replied.

'A what?' I demanded.

'A con---r'. He replied again.

'How do you spell that? C-O-N-C-H-R-E?'

'No. C-O-N-K-E-R. Do you not know what a conker is? How have you been in England this long and not know what a conker is?'

'Why do you keep calling it that funny name? This thing is a pit or the seed of whatever fell out of that tree.'

'A pit? Or a seed? No, it's a conker! CONKER!'

Ummm... ok. So here's the real deal on what a conker is. Jackson gave me the full run-down as we searched for a pub to grab lunch in, but I just had to double-check the validity of his claim. (You know, just in case he was making it up). So I wiki-ed it, of course. And here's what I found out:

Conker is the name used in Britain, Ireland and some former British colonies for the nuts of the Common horse-chestnut tree, when used in a game traditionally played by children, Conkers. The name may also be influenced by the verb conquer, as the game was also called conquerors. Conkers are also known regionally as "obblyonkers", "cheggies" or "cheesers". In America they are simply known as chestnuts or as buckeyes.

Ok, I just need to interject here to say that my 'incorrect' assessment of it being a pit or a seed and that it is actually referred to as a nut is only partially my fault. How's a girl to know what a conker is in either British or North American terms when she's allergic to it? I blame my allergy to nuts for my naivety in this case.

Ooh, and how am I supposed to put my confidence in the term 'conker' as an accurate label when other names for it include 'obblyonkers' and 'cheggies'?

Exactly! Now back to the explanation of this game called Conkers:

Rules of the game

• Take a large, hard conker and drill a hole through it using a nail, gimlet, or small screwdriver. (This may be done by an adult on behalf of the contestant). Thread a piece of string through it about 25 cm long. Often a shoelace is used. Tie a large knot at one or both ends of the string, so that the conker will not slide off when swung hard.
• Find an opponent. It is to your advantage if you can find an opponent with a conker smaller and softer than yours.
• Take it in turns to hit each other's conker using your own. To do this one player lets the conker dangle on the full length of the string while the other player hits. To hit, hold the string in one hand with the conker held above it in the other hand, then swipe at the opponent's conker, letting go of your own nut but keeping hold of the string.

Scoring

• A new conker is a none-er meaning that it has conquered none yet.
• If you manage to smash your opponent's conker to pieces, so that it comes off the string, your conker gets the score that your opponent's conker had, plus one for beating the opponent's conker itself. So for example, if two none-ers play, the surviving conker will become a one-er. But if a two-er plays a three-er, the surviving conker will become a six-er.
• This scoring system is arguably not particularly fair, but it has the property that in a competition where n new conkers compete until only one survives, the surviving conker will be an (n-1)-er regardless of the sequence of games. Familiarity with the game will make this scoring system seem more justifiable, as some conkers seem to lead charmed lives, while others are just extraordinarily tough.

(all content in brown was taken from www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conker)

And that my friends of the 'ba' is the game of Conkers. Anyone fancy a game?