What Not To Wear:

THIS!

The accused: ALLI and the pink dress
Charged with the crime of: Fashion Disgrace

Defendant's Plea:
Erm... a momentary lapse in judgment, your honour.

Defendant's Testimony:
Yikes, what was I thinking?! Clearly, I wasn't thinking - just having a lark in Value Village, Kingston when my friends and I happened upon this particular garment. There were three (or maybe four) of them in actuality. Must have been bridesmaids dresses or costumes for the chorus of some sort of terrible play/musical... I hope.

Prosecution's Remarks:
While fitted bodices are a key trend for this season (and are likely to stay around for many more to come - keep this in mind ladies), here, particularly when emphasised by the ruched detailing and gathering of fabric towards the prime meridian of the dress, everything that could possibly go wrong is highlighted front and centre giving little opportunity to avoid just how bad this dress is.

The sweetheart neckline is nearly pulled off except when considering it in the overall scheme of the dress which reflects that this sweet neckline completes the top of the enormous heart that is the upper-half of this dress. Terrible choice of shape considering the hue of the dress which in another situation might be barely passable. The shape also adds too much curve on top where it is unneeded as the upper-part of the heart suggests that the defendant's rib cage is significantly wider than it actually is.

Though the mermaid shape of the dress' skirt has recently become more widely seen on the red carpet it is just plain unacceptable in this instance. The defendant is far too short to wear this shape, particularly when it is accentuated by the pouffiness of the skirt that is neither full length nor short and awkwardly falls somewhere in between (which is no help either in hiding the winter boots that the defendant sports).

The prosecution rests.

Defense's Rebuttal:
This dress is clearly an attempt at an 80's revival. The pink hue sparks a sense of nostalgia and the so-called 'unacceptable' as they have been deemed by the prosectution, shape, length and general styling of the dress do indeed defy all of the currently accepted trends. However, it is not that it is unacceptable, but clearly a key example of the perfect retro couture. So long as it is worn in the appropriate context this garment is perfectly acceptable.

The defense rests.

Verdict:
Guilty as charged.

Sentenced to:
Absolutely forbidden for the everyday; only to be worn on very special, ahem, fancy dress occasions.